Miss Meltdown Manners is aghast at the things some of our clients hear. When someone effects a significant physical change, behavioral and habit changes are a part of it. This can make family and other loved ones nervous. Will they expect ME to change, too? How does this affect our relationship and the ways we have typically interacted and had fun?
When people get nervous, they may not say things in the most thoughtful way. Sometimes stuff skips the filter area of the brain. Or they feel close enough to you not to parse words, even on a subject most people are pretty sensitive about.
When I was a child (ok - until I was about 35) I subscribed to Mad Magazine, and a recurring favorite feature was “Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions” by Al Jaffee (alternatively known as SATSQ.) I know when we hear some of these comments, the part of us that has worked so hard to be healthier can be very hurt, and we may not say things in the most thoughtful way, OR we may give in to social pressures to avoid confrontation. Neither of these advance the cause of our good health or our relationships.
If you go to a job interview, you know you’re going to get the standard questions: what are your strengths and weaknesses, where do you see yourself in five years, and so on, so there’s no reason not to have a response prepared. In the Meltdown, there are a few recurrent questions that people experience that it behooves us to expect and have internal snarky and alternative replies at the ready.
“Can’t you eat this?” SATSQ: I can, if I don’t mind not being able to wear my new pants. Kind answer: “I can; I choose not to. I feel better when I don’t.” (Optional: drop and knock out five burpees.)
“WHY can’t you eat this?” SATSQ: I prefer food made of food. Kind answer: I prefer to think of reasons why I should eat something. There’s no good reason for me to eat that.
“One bite won’t hurt you, will it?” SATSQ: And if alcoholics were able to stop at one beer, there wouldn’t be a problem. Kind answer: I’m not good at stopping at one bite. It’s harder if I have to talk myself AND you out of me not eating it.
“Doesn’t this seem kind of culty?” SATSQ: We’re not actually allowed to drink Kool Aid. Kind answer: It’s true I am enthusiastic about this. I’m excited that I have the strength and energy to climb up to the rooftop that I’m shouting from.
“When do you get to start eating ‘normally’ again?” SATSQ: As soon as I want to gain my weight back. Kind answer: This is my normal eating now. My old way of eating got me different results and I like this result better.
“Aren’t you getting too thin?” SATSQ: Most people are just glad when they find out I don’t have some horrible disease causing my weight loss. Kind answer: I know this is a big change in my appearance. It will look “normal” once you’re used to seeing my this way for a while. I can show you my food log so you know I really am eating all the time. 
Know that people WILL eventually get over these changes. Employment of the broken record technique is the best method for dealing with people who are slower to get to the acceptance stage. Better yet, encourage them to come see the cult…err gym…for themselves ;).
All the best,
Marcey
Coach Marcey Tidwell started as a client with NGPT in January 2011. Joining the team as an accountability coach, she wears many hats in assisting the Meltdown Nation! Nurse Marcey by day, she brings a wealth of knowledge the program! And much like Patrick Swayze in Roadhouse, she believes you should be nice until it’s time to not be nice :).
Since I have a weekly platform on stage to address these issues, here’s what I said :
1) No, I am not sick , but thank you for assuming that my healthy lifestyle is the result of a life threatening illness you morbid, twisted sociopath. Does this look like I’m sick? ( roll up my sleeve) Welcome to the the 2nd Amendment and the Gun Show.
2) I am not losing weight too fast, but thank you for noticing and saying something to make me potentially feel bad about wanting to look better, feel better, and live longer. Where were you with your sage advice when I weighed 300lbs, Dear Abby?
3) Yes, I WAS much more fun when I was heavier. Why that 5th bourbon and stop for 3 burrito supremes at 3am from Taco Bell really made for a joyous morning for me and my family the next day. I keep forgetting that my job is to entertain you, and make you feel better about your poor lifestyle choices.
Of course, most people don’t have the opportunity to be so forthright in a public setting.
Al Jaffee lives!
(Actually, I think he really is still alive, and in his 90’s.) Carry on, Brad - all the best humor emanates from truth.